| Wedding Jobs Authored by Payam Jahromi - August 12, 2005 - 12:35 am
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So my next column will probably be in late August or early September. By definition of Murphy's Law, the Warriors will probably make a huge trade in the next few days and I'll be dying to write about it while on vacation, inevitably pissing off my new wife. I will already be going through withdrawals since I won't be able to study for my upcoming fantasy football drafts.
Since the wedding has been on my mind, for this article I'm associating the Warriors with the different wedding jobs. In other words, if I had to pick from only Warriors players and give them the various wedding responsibilities, here is who I would choose and why:
Officiant: Adonal Foyle
- Is there anyone else you would want marrying you in the entire NBA than Foyle? I mean he's super smart, eloquent, likable and is a man of integrity. He may not be the best officient in the world, but I'd be happy if he did my wedding. In the NBA, he may not be the best center ever, and he's a little overpaid, but he's still a good player and teammate to have.
Best Man: Troy Murphy
- This was the toughest one to choose from, but I went with Murphy because the best man must be reliable and trustworthy, as well as a great friend. Since I don't know any of these guys personally, I'm taking a stab at the good friend thing. Murphy seems like he would be there when you needed him, and he also seems like a guy who the family would all like. Also, if you were at a bar and stirred up a little trouble, Murphy would have your back. On the court, he's one of the toughest guys and most reliable guys on the team, evident by his double-double average last season. A safe choice.
DJ: Baron Davis
- The DJ's role may be the most important since he's in charge of making sure everybody is dancing and having a good time. Baron is in charge of making sure every Warrior is thriving. If the Warriors struggle, the blame falls on him. If nobody is dancing at the reception, you may have a crappy DJ. The DJ is also in charge of introducing the first dance, the best man's speech, the cake cutting, and anything else that needs to be announced. I want Baron to be my MC.
Greeters and Ushers: Andris Biedrins & Mickael Pietrus
- The two guys with the most infectious smiles on the team. Either guy can make you instantly feel good with a smile, a perfect trait for the greeter. They are arguably the two most popular Warriors amongst teammates. You want your guests to feel good upon arrival.
Chef: Derek Fisher
- Ok, I have no idea who can and cannot cook, but I can picture Fish with a Chef's hat. I mean I can't picture Zarko putting the finishing touches on a Filet Mignon.
Entertainment: Jason Richardson
- Weddings have different types of entertainment. In this case, I'd have a mini-dunk contest with J-Rich as the star. He leads the Warriors in SportsCenter highlights over the last four years, and he won back-to-back dunk titles with some of the best dunks I've ever seen. He's the natural choice here.
Banquet Director: Mike Dunleavy
- The logical choice because the banquet director must be versatile and willing to adjust to any situation if and when something goes wrong. Dunleavy is well-rounded on the court and can adjust to most styles of play. His size allows him to play any position except center. At a wedding, he'll be able to handle almost any situation and personality.
Bartender: Monta Ellis
- It depends on what you prefer in a bartender, but I like the young, charismatic, confident but friendly guy behind the counter. In the little I've seen Ellis play, he's very confident and very good. He seems to have the "it" factor. The bartender should have this and he should have a happy personality. For example, if you have a group of young, drunk girls who ask the bartender for a creative shot, I don't want an older, professional, possibly grumpy guy. Sorry Calbert Cheaney.
Bouncer: Ike Diogu
- Ok, so weddings don't have bouncers. But I needed to give Ike a job, and he seems scary-looking enough to pull this off.
Photographer: Calbert Cheaney
- He's the oldest player on the team, which means he's probably taken more pictures in his life than anyone else.
Videographer: Zarko Cabarkapa
- Nothing like having a seven-footer who can look over anyone to get the right angle on video. And despite being so big, on the court he plays small and is versatile. He’s also a very smart player with a high basketball IQ. At the wedding, you definitely want someone who can move and adapt to anything that might happen.
Wedding Planner: Chris Mullin
- He's made great moves since being in charge of the Warriors, and I'd feel comfortable if he planned my wedding.
Email me if you disagree with the wedding jobs, and let me know why. See you in a couple weeks. Aloha.
pjahromi@sbcglobal.net |
